Hey, Nesiller — I can certainly relate to some of your patterns and dilemmas, and I laud your courage in writing these down and sharing them. I would say, however, that something that you are overlooking (in the same way that a fish does not see the water it exists in) is that you have something that many strive for: you have the creative, thinking mind, which is THE fountainhead. Here is a book which might serve to get you past your hurdles and which is a wonderful resource: https://www.amazon.com/Wild-Mind-Living-Writers-Life/dp/0553347756/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1546469315&sr=8-2&keywords=wild+mind

Happy New Year.

Omnivorous lover of life with interests from poetry/literature and science to geopolitics, health and art. IFB. alecramzurc312@gmail.com

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